Are you paying over the odds because it's half term, or school holidays?

A. No, we always go in the off season.

B. Yes, that's when the kids are free.

C. Yes, it's the only time we can get away.

How often has your companion referred to needing to catch up on sleep?

A. Not since we left.

B. A couple of times on the flight.

C. Every goddamn five minutes.

Which books has your companion got in their suitcase?

A. Who needs books on holiday?

B. A travel guide, and a couple of novels.

C. The Learning Rainforest, Cleverlands, and Mark. Plan. Teach.

Is there a schedule for your trip?

A. We're both easy going; we'll do what we want when we want.

B. We've got a hit list of things we want to see/do.

C. There's a detailed schedule for each day, including details of transport between each place, and restaurants you might visit.

When embarking upon ambitious activities, who has thought about the risks involved?

A. You have. Your companion has no idea what risk means.

B. You've both talked about this and taken necessary precautions.

C. Your companion has read all 18 pages of the risk assessment and marked any queries they have in red pen.

When delayed at the airport and surrounded by increasingly irate young children, your partner reacts in the following way:

A. They literally don't know how to respond, but their facial expression says it all (not in a good way).

B. They start whispering to you under their breath about the importance of high quality parenting for early years education.

C. To everyone's bewilderment, they impossibly manage to block the sound of anyone younger than the age of 10. When asked about this, they give a response along the lines of "I am on holiday, it's not my problem".

Has your companion brought any work with them?

A. Work? On a holiday?!

B. A couple of short, well-defined tasks that occasionally make an appearance.

C. Yes. Lots of open-ended and endless tasks that they constantly refer to but never actually get down to starting.

What does your companion check first when they get some WiFi?

A. Instagram.

B. The news and email.

C. EduTwitter.

The airline requires you to fill out landing card and you don't have a pen. You turn to your companion, do they:

A. Shrug.

B. Pat their pockets, then suggest you wait until you're in the queue for passport control.

C. Produce a plethora of pens from seemingly nowhere, in every shade under the sun.

How many cups of tea/coffee does it take to get your companion through the day?

A. Who needs caffeine when the hard stuff will do?

B. A cup to start the day off just right!

C. It's 9am and we are in a coffee shop right now. The whole day is mapped out by tea shops.

Are there any kids around?

A. Of course not.

B. Just ours.

C. Well, we do have 40 kids in tow. To Iceland. On a Geography trip...

Results:

If you got mostly As, your companion is definitely not a teacher.

If you got mostly Bs, you companion might be teacher. If so, they either work in a school with an excellent wellbeing policy and great SLT, or they have simply stopped giving any fucks.

If you got mostly Cs, your companion is almost certainly a teacher. Help them to leave 'the bubble' and destress by:

• Investing in a thermos to ensure a constant supply of tea or coffee

• Hiding their marking in your suitcase while you are away and 'finding' it when you pack to leave.

• Organising lots of outdoor activities and opportunities for exercise, such as swimming, hiking, yoga, or cycling (but ensure you take charge of any risk assessment!)

• Doing something spontaneous; seeing something cool and throwing out the schedule.

• If you can manage to do so, take away their coloured pens.

#humour #teacherlife #travel